I never left you....A mujahid's letter to his wife...

I Never Left You...


You never complained when you knew we would have nothing. You were contempt on having what little you needed.

Where others would have left or moaned you never once let out a sigh. You understood what was written was what we would eat.

I never once complained about what was put in front of me as I knew it was your hands that brought it to me.

When I had nothing I had you. We smiled as we saw the destruction around us knowing that these people were not true.

You never felt sympathy towards the enemy. You put your trust in your Rubb and in turn you followed me. Never did I have to wonder about you as my secrets my honour and my Deen were safe with you.

When the enemy barked you never flinched. You were strong and in turn made me strong.

We both know what hardships you faced just being with me but not a word did you speak.

Like a vanguard for this Ummah you concealed yourself. Where others would rush to please their desires you were the essences of Taqwa.
Life was easy with you and it came so naturally. You were the extension of me and I would never need to finish my words as who knew me better then you....

It's the little things that make the person and you would have easily have kept me going for a lifetime.

I loved your jealousy. I loved to tease you with the thought of others just so I could know how dear I was to you. The way you would look at me with fire in your eyes showed me that I was the only one for you. You stole my heart and hide it away. You know your place it's by my side. What chance did shaytan have when you would ensure that fajr was the easiest of the salahs. I loved that you would forsake me in an instant to fast a voluntary fast. I loved that the Haq was dearer to you then my life and those of our jewels

Watching you makes me laugh as I wonder if my heart will ever want another as I watch you feed my child, as you lift her out of the bath, as you wipe her little nose and the face she pulls. You will never find a diamond in the hands of the poor in the same way our diamond deserves to be carried in your hands. We could have it all my love but who sells Paradise for an hour of passing pleasure? Not us.

I chose you Umm Muthana as I know our fruits are safe with you. Never will I have to worry about if they pray or offer supplication. Never would I have to worry about where the loyalties of my babies are. They will love what we love they will love Allah Most Glorified Most High, they will Love the Prophets and the best of Companions, They will love those who they have never met but will long to meet. They will love those better then us. They will live to honour one statement. Others will fall under the weight of La illiha illiha but not them. Their hearts will beat it, their words testify to it and their hands carry it.

Dont think I left you. Dont think that in this world anything is dearer to me then the minute that I walk home knowing what waits for me behind closed doors. I went to find a better place for us. I went to fulfil the best of deals. I saw it written that if you give your life then eternity will be ours. I saw it written somewhere that this was all a test and I have no doubt that one who promises us and whose word is truth must love me very much as he gave me you and you were the hardest thing to give up. They say the mind cannot comprehend what awaits us. They say that sadness will forgotten, they say that the eye has yet to see and the ear has yet to hear the beauties that await us in our new home. They say rivers of honey my love they say rivers of milk they say rivers of wine. They say pearls and Gold thrones , they say musk and cool breezes. Is it not fitting that I go to see this land afar to take you and our children? I fear that the gates of opportunity will close behind me my love. I fear others will hear what I hear and rush there and I will have nothing to offer you.

I know you will send our sons to look for their father. Tell them that they will find me in every battle, in every fight where the black flag is flown.
Tell them that the pain will be a pinch and then they will see what I see. Tell them Green Birds wish to meet them. Tell the Angels will call them by the best of names and most of all that Allah The One The Eternal will be pleased with them.

I told you once that only 2 things will have me. You and death. My life was with you but now I must marry again. I must marry what was promised to me the moment I was born. I must marry my fate and in turn I must marry death. After death will come reckoning and if I stand with the best of creation I will with the permission of Allah Lord of the Heavens and the Earth I will beg for you. None was worthy to stand next to me in this life so why is it I should desire another in the next?