Nisaa
Member
 Number of posts : 2677
Religion : Islam
Registration date : 2008-07-02
 |  Subject: "I had a moment with Allaah..."  Thu Nov 05, 2009 9:36 am | |
| Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem - Quote :
- I had a moment with Allaah
I’ve never been the type of person who cries excessively in one’s salaah, my weeping, the rare times that it did happen; it was the most randomest of times, if you want to even call it that. I guess like every other Muslim I toy with my kushoo’ it’s a difficult thing to control and I remember someone once saying that if you control your thought process and concentrate on one thing at a time in your life then kushoo’ in your salaah will automatically increase.
Now the first time I heard this naseeha, I tried it, I controlled my thoughts rather than my thoughts controlling me, and subhanaAllaah it worked!! But one thing led to another and like the sinner that I am, I forgot. But tonight subhanaAllaah. Trying to prayer Qiyyam has always been a struggle and especially when it comes to the du’aa in witr salaah whether it’s praying behind the Imaam at the masjid or by myself in my bedroom, I never understood how other Muslims could weep so much and I never had that, NEVER! It was quite upsetting, I made du’aa to Allaah that He gives me the ability to weep for Him and Him alone, for His love and pleasure, for my countless sins, for protection from Hellfire and His never-ending Rahma. It was a difficult task personally, as my du’aas were pretty basic, making du’aa for the sick, dead, oppressed Muslims etc, I’ve never made du’aa for ME, for my ability to do something for Allaah, for His pleasure alone. But this Ramadhaan everything looked different and I realised what a weak servant I was. Everyone has high’s and low’s BUT it seemed like I always had low’s and lost track on the last time I had a high. It was upsetting AND frustrating at times, because you can force tears to come from your eyes but you can’t force your heart to feel something if it doesn’t feel anything!!
The du’aa got answered at the right time, having just stood for Qiyyam, I was toying with a few thoughts, telling myself your about to stand before your Lord, not anyone but the One who created you and fashioned you! It’s a reminder that I feel it’s important to remind myself as even when I feel my mind wondering off, I remember the beginning of my salaah and before you know it, its back wAllaahu Akbar!! I pray my first two rak’ahs of salaah struggled with kush’oo like one cannot imagine but I pushed myself even if it was for a second I knew I had to strive against my sinful soul and let not the evil in me take over.
My second two rak’ahs of salaah. Now it was much better, I mean it felt weird like this was the first time I was praying, as though this was my first salaah EVER. It felt weird but fabulous. I started reciting surah Maryam, and got stuck on the ayah when Maryam, the mother of ‘Eesaa, tells Jibreel (‘aleyhi assalaam) she seeks refuge with the Rahmaan from him, her not knowing that he was indeed a messenger from Allaah.
She said: “Verily! I seek refuge with the Most Beneficent (Allaah) from you, if you do fear Allaah.” (The angel) said: “I am only a Messenger from your Lord, (to announce) to you the gift of a righteous son.” (Maryam 19:18-19)
With this ayah, came my moment with Allaah. I can sit here and try and describe it to you BUT words cannot describe my feelings, it was so good, that I didn’t want that feeling to go away EVER! I felt as though I was right there with Maryam and Jibreel (‘aleyhi assalaam), it was as though I was not reading about this story it was as though I witnessed it right there in front of me. Now it may come as a surprise but I don’t speak Arabic, yeah I’ve done classes here and there but I cannot speak the language. So when I was understanding these words and seeing and feeling these things it was amazing. Suddenly I became fluent in Arabic, what!? I always have to read the English translation! But the moment went as it quickly as it came. But the feeling is etched into my memory and I can still feel the shivers on my back from my moment with Allaah. For He subhanahu wa ta’ala says :
And your Lord said: “Invoke Me, [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Isl?mic Monotheism)] (and ask Me for anything) I will respond to your (invocation). Verily! Those who scorn My worship [i.e. do not invoke Me, and do not believe in My Oneness, (Isl?mic Monotheism)] they will surely enter Hell in humiliation!”
You can ask Him for ANYTHING!! Did you hear that, ANYTHING and He the Almighty the Wise will answer your call. I never understood why people wept in their salaah and why I would need to ask Allaah to grant me the ability to weep for His pleasure and love, for His Rahma and for my countless sins because I thought it came naturally BUT now I do. We constantly need to make du’aa to Allaah for the smallest of blessings that if we do have that Allaah keeps on giving it to us and if we don’t that Allaah grants us to it. For we don’t want to be amongst the hypocrites on the Day of Judgement when Allaah asks us to prostrate our back’s will be so straight we would not be able to bend it no matter how hard we try and be with the losers.
So ASK of Allaah O Servant of the Most Merciful, for indeed He is willing to answer for anything that brings you closer to Him ‘azza wa jal.
And indeed you will be reckoned and held accountable for every breath, so be fearful O Muslim. City ISoc blog. Last Ramadhan I read their blog and read this, and it was beautiful.  | |
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